Hello Family,
Happy Fall! I pray you are enjoying the start of this new season filled with change, transitions, and evolution. Before I get into the message, I would like to ask that you take a moment of pause with me. Many people have been impacted by Hurricane Helene, in one way or another. Others are feeling the weight of both distress and displacement in the face of a biolab fire in Atlanta, GA. There are countless individuals who are on a port strike on the east coast of the U.S. seeking justice, equity, and to simply be heard. If you're in a space where you can either be silent or send up a prayer for the individuals impacted by the events listed above, or impacted by disasters and wars abroad, please do.
Thank you. Now, let's get into it...
This journal entry was one of the last one’s I wrote in Argentina. Little did I know, this would be the last message I’d be writing without chest pains and panic attacks robbing sleep from me for the next two to four weeks to come. As I seek wellness and wholeness in every area of my life, I am reminded of how much of a privilege it is to travel far from home solo. The question of,
“Are you ready to come home?” has recently evolved from its origin. The question was initially about my emotional state concerning transitioning back to America. Now, I see the question through the lens of one of my favorite books, ‘Homecoming: Overcome Fear and Trauma to Reclaim Your Whole, Authentic Self’ by Dr. Thema Bryant.“Are you ready to come home?” feels more like an inquiry about my readiness to return to myself, to love, and tend to myself better. In other words, “Am I ready to return to myself and care for my soul?” – My hope is that this reflection opens your eyes about the position you find yourself in today. If you’re in between what was and what will be or exploring new after transitioning out of what use to be, know that there is a world of opportunity available exactly where you are, even if you’re experiencing uncertainty.
Menta Limón was the first vegan restaurant I ate at in Buenos Aires, Argentina. As I prepare for what I feel will be my last meal at this small restaurante I am experiencing feelings of gratitude. You see, Buenos Aires, was not on my list of “must go” or “must visit” places to travel. I stumbled upon Buenos Aires, similar to me stumbling upon Vanderbilt Divinity School, Menta Limón, and many other things in my life.
I am faced with more juxtaposing feelings. I am responsible for confronting the joy that comes along with studying abroad and ‘Thinking Theologically’ internationally, just as I am responsible for coping with the anxiety that comes with the next chapter (year two of divinity school) and the grief of leaving a new place that I temporarily called home. How can you be both sad and jovial? Full of anxiety and gratitude? No se’ (translate to ‘I don’t know’). It doesn’t quite make sense to me either, yet.
What I carry close to my cortisone (translate to ‘heart’) at this time is my newfound understanding for theology, public theology specifically. I’ve yearned for an experience like this one since I was admitted into graduate school – I didn’t have language for it at the time, but this is it. As an artist, I know all too well, about the gray matter that lives between a dream, or conviction, and action. I know that sometimes I can dream or hope for a thing to make manifest on a canvas, paper or Canva; but my dreams don’t begin to have a life of their own until I act.
On a theological tip, I’d argue the remaining disciples following Jesus’ death (I.e. “…Peter, John, James and Andrew; Philip and Thomas, Bartholomew and Matthew; James son of Alphaeus and Simon the Zealot, and Judas son of James” – Acts 1:13) experienced the ‘gray matter’, or liminal space, as well. It’s one thing to know where you are and where you’re going, but getting there is an entirely different thing.
In the liminal space, one has no time to waste on thoughts of what could’ve or should’ve been, neither should one waist time theorizing about what could be on the other side of ‘gray matter’.
The Disciples knew a few things:
Jesus was dead (Mark 15:37-39)
One disciple, Judas, was also dead (Matthew 27:5; Acts 1:18)
They had a commission – “The great Commission” (Matthew 28:16-20)
In this space, Jesus, though dead “came and stood among them” (John 20:26) to reassure and encourage them. In this space, they were able to replace the late disciple, Judas. In this space, they decided to travel the world and share the gospel.
I realize that though I do know what is to come, that I do have decisions to make. So, chosen to push myself towards accomplishing my dreams nationally and internationally, one step at a time, one post at a time, one assignment at a time, one podcast episode at a time. Today, I choose rest, 'No' when it's necessary, to laugh, to do things that make me happy, to pour into myself, to ask questions when I have them, and to love fearlessly.
I've chosen, and am actively choosing to live, in the face of death dealing circumstances.
So, this is what theología (translates to 'theology’) looks like on the ground for me as a womanist theologian. I am not Just Black, Woman, scholar, daughter, sister, aunt, theologian – I am all in one. So, wherever I am there is inherent work ready for me to complete, problems for me to solve, and conversations for me to have. I can study religion, faith, and communities; but if I am solely learning in the classroom and not sharing what I learn, I am doing myself and the world a disservice.
May this bring you hope that the ‘gray matter’, and liminal space, you find yourself in is a temporary opportunity to make life altering decisions. Will you be ready to decide?
I love you. Jesus loves you most.
Be Bold. Be you.
With love,
Miss Ponder
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Citation:
Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
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